Everything progresses, even through setbacks. Constant repetitions and difficulties suddenly impose themselves. Then, it is no longer possible to continue maintaining that pseudo-loving relationship, that family commitment. Being together, raising a family on negotiations, agreements, and images that need to be built and maintained is always disruptive and undermines individuality.
Furthermore, when what sustains the dependencies and difficulties, the very nonacceptances are shaken and overturned, the craters of fear and unmet difficulties appear. Claim becomes the criterion, with discussion of rights and claiming of responsibilities. Anger, revenge, and envy populate daily life through these experiences. Feeling abandoned and having one’s own rights obliterated by laws that discriminate also become a difficulty that needs to be faced to reduce damage.
Suddenly the problematization no longer concerns the separation, the breach of the agreement, the lack of affection. Now, one must concern oneself with how to survive the penalties, sanctions, and rules created by the other through the legalization of one’s rights and obligations. Being forced to perceive the other for the damage they inflict is always conflicting and harmful.
When private and personal situations and the agreements that two individuals establish between affection and cooperation spill over to public and legal spheres, new configurations emerge that reveal the precariousness of the previously established cult of the mind. Using laws and institutions either to punish and abandon or to maintain purposes and social and economic ascension always reveals fragile agreements maintained in terms of references other than those in the scope of understanding and lovemaking.
Situations change, loves end, passions cool down; all of this can represent overcoming and the frequent dynamics of being in the world with the other. However, when one’s own safety and wellbeing is planted with the support of the other - either resistant or receptive -, any imbalance causes tension, drama, difficulty. The search for resolution through demands, games, and impositions always reveals the arbitrary, empty, nonsense character of relationships. It consists of using the other, i.e., the partner. It means having to transform atmospheres or love and family situations into outlets and supports for one’s own difficulties.
Losing, giving up, accepting what happens is only possible when one starts questioning one’s own attitudes, attachments, and demands. Relationships are made possible or impossible when contingencies transform them into necessary, useful, or useless, creating a panorama where objectification, rules, and events prevail, building everything around. People acting as fans then take place, and now there are two sides with interferences that always harm, especially in the presence of children.
Living in this atmosphere, in this discord, forces one to face conflicts, fear, lies, and disappointment. Every time one does not accept the breaking of commitments, the breaching of agreements, one has one’s own problems and difficulties to deal with. Being afraid to go on, to move on, is threatening. The purpose of existence becomes unknown. How one can survive when the protective covers disappear? Everything is being revealed and yet difficulties approach with dizzying speed. There is no way to stop, and for that very reason, one has to be saved, to recover agreements, or at the very least, to guarantee good indemnities or reparations.
Living is not fighting, living is breathing, seeing, walking, mismatching, being open, being closed to the contradictions that situate, define, and motivate us. Using the other to make one’s dreams come true is always annihilating, as the other is transformed into an object, a manipulated mass, an ingredient in life recipes, i.e., recipes for establishing a family, for adjustment and wellbeing. This process of use is always reciprocal, it only takes place when someone allows being used. When this permission happens, it is mutually established. Reciprocity then establishes successes and dreams and, in the short, medium, and long term, guarantees failures, sufferings, and pains for a person and everyone around them.
Understanding, tolerance, and affinity are not achieved via negotiations and agreements. This a priori condition - agreement - is always devastating, as it transforms everything around it into an object by creating platforms for commitments maintained by obedience, mistakes, fears, and opportunism.