If one scrolls through TikTok, as I do from time to time, you might be struck by the number of posts by self-styled experts on the topic of narcissistic personalities and behaviours. This, of course, might be the nature of the personalised feed, which is a response to my scrolling and lingering habits on this particular social media platform. But I feel this observation is enough to say that experiences of narcissism and narcissistic behaviour are actual things. It is a meaning that individuals make about their own experiences of their own narcissism and those recovering from abusive relationships that are pathologized as a result of one or another narcissistic behavioural tendencies.

The TikTok narcissism experts have varying degrees of qualification and experience, from which they espouse apparently helpful diagnoses and advice. From those who have experienced abuse through an intimate relationship with a friend, lover, or family, to the psychological and psychiatric practitioner, to those that identify as self-aware narcissists. I conclude that there is a market for advice on such matters.

According to the myth, Narcissus, a young man of exceptional beauty, fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Captivated by his image, he was unable to pull himself away, leading to his eventual demise. This story was first recorded by the Roman poet Ovid in his work Metamorphoses and highlights themes of vanity and self-obsession. The tale has been interpreted variously, subsequently, often used as a cautionary tale about the dangers of excessive self-love and the neglect of others.

However, a certain amount of self-love and, as they say these days, self-care is necessary, indeed important. Contemporary mental health practices emphasize the importance of maintaining a balanced sense of self-esteem and the regular practices of self-care. This balanced approach enables individuals to support their own emotional and physical well-being. Self-care practices, often recommended by mental health professionals, include setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness, and ensuring adequate rest and nutrition, all of which contribute to a healthy self-regard.

Contemporary narcissism is often characterized by a pervasive focus on self-promotion and the cultivation of a persona that may overshadow genuine personal interactions. Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell explain in their book, The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement, the cultural changes in the United States that have led to an increase in narcissistic behaviours. And which are further amplified by social media platforms. These encourage constant self-reference and the validation-seeking behaviour that are typical of narcissistic tendencies. Cultural critic Christopher Lasch’s The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations, considers how late-capitalist society fosters self-obsession in lieu of communal ties, contributing to the broader societal manifestation of narcissistic traits. These perspectives underscore a shift from communal values towards a more self-centred social reality, emphasizing the complex interplay between cultural evolution and individual psychological phenomena.

The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), from the American Psychiatric Association, defines narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as a mental disorder characterized by a long-term pattern of abnormal behaviour featuring exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of understanding of others’ feelings. Individuals with NPD often spend a lot of time thinking about achieving power or success, or on their appearance. The disorder also involves significant interpersonal dysfunctions due to the individual’s indifference to others, entitlement, and potential exploitativeness.

The prevalence of NPD in the United States is estimated to be around 1% according to the DSM-5. However, other notable studies suggest slightly higher rates, potentially around 6% of the population, depending on the methods and criteria used for assessment1. These variations in prevalence estimates are influenced by factors such as the sample characteristics and the diagnostic tools employed in different studies.

The etiology of NPD has been attributed to individual, biological, and social factors. Individual factors include personality traits that predispose a person to narcissistic behaviours, such as a high need for admiration and a personal sense of entitlement. Biologically, research indicates possible links between NPD and genetics, brain structure, and neurochemical imbalances, suggesting that certain biological predispositions might contribute to the development of narcissistic traits. Socially, environmental factors such as parenting styles, early relationships, and cultural influences play a significant role. For instance, parenting that is overly permissive or excessively critical can foster narcissistic tendencies in children. Moreover, societal shifts towards more individualistic values and the pervasive influence of social media can exacerbate narcissistic behaviours by emphasizing self-promotion and the external validation of self-worth.

Identifying causes, as biological, cognitive, or social, might be informative to a certain extent but can be reductive, and causal relationships can prove difficult to disentangle.

While my own transdisciplinary research is not concerned with narcissistic behaviour per se, the non-essentialist approach I take can be useful in examining the phenomena of narcissism and relationships that can become abusive and toxic that have the dynamic of narcissistic and empathetic behaviours.

A non-essentialist starting point is to question not what narcissism (or empathicism) is but to ask how is narcissism possible? A non-essentialist approach then leads us to think about the recursion of communications, interpretations, performances, and behaviours that constitute the observation of narcissistic behaviour. A further non-essentialist assumption within this is that identity—how we make meaning of, who we are interactively, transactionally, and in reflection of our own recursion of behaviours—does not have enduring, permanent characteristics.

The latter idea in the above—the socially dynamic and epigenetic nature of identity—is perhaps key to contemplating rather than pathologizing NPD. From this it would seem that at various points in many people’s lives the experience of the non-essentialisation of self is the thing that draws them to the repetition of behaviours and actions that give us the experience of essence. This extends beyond narcissism but can include a range of addictions too. The repetition and cycle of behaviours can offer something of a self-stability, however unhealthy, in the face of such self-uncertainty.

Modern societies are premised on the notion of the individual, their subjectivity, their rights (as well as responsibilities) and their agency, and almost to the extent of the possibility that there are some set of individual characteristics and traits that are a unique and permanent feature of the individual and their identity. Late modernity, i.e., contemporary society, is a major threat to these principles that emerged in the Renaissance and Enlightenment and the assertion of individuality. Moreover, science and the later emergence of the social sciences, especially psychology, have and continue to emphasise the essential characteristics of personality.

A feature of contemporary society that undermines an enduring sense of self and notions of authenticity, are the multifarious and extended spatial and temporal encounters the individual has with others. In short, one is now, different people, in different contexts, places and times. The dynamism of identity and personality become all too apparent. And so do experiences of narcissism and addiction. Indeed, we can go as far as saying that, to paraphrase the title from a recent Financial Times article by Jemima Kelly, “We are all narcissists now." As Kelly concludes:

It might be convenient to blame the breakdown of a relationship or a tricky work situation on the fact that the other person is toxic and mentally unsound. But putting everyone we have issues with in the “narcissist” box just means we don’t have to take responsibility for the part we’ve played. There’s something distinctly narcissistic about that2.

It leaves me to conclude with a speculation about the phenomenon of narcissism in contemporary society. This is premised on the non-essential, that indeed notions of self must be understood as fluid, contextual and based on an abstraction of permanent features of who we are and how we respond to others. Where the enduring characteristics are often threatened in a socially complex world.

Therefore, narcissism can be understood as a cycle of risky behaviours, with dopamine highs akin to substance addiction, which delivers an experience of the essential self, and that can be a result of trauma and abuse.

References

1 Stinson, F. S., Dawson, D. A., Goldstein, R. B., Chou, S. P., Huang, B., Smith, S. M., Ruan, W. J., Pulay, A. J., Saha, T. D., Pickering, R. P., & Grant, B. F. (2008). Prevalence, Correlates, Disability, and Comorbidity of DSM-IV Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Results from the Wave 2 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 69(7), 1033–1045.
2Kelly, J. (2023, December 10). Are we all narcissists now?, Financial Times.