Gone are the days when vampires and witches haunted children’s nightmares. Thanks to pop culture, these once-terrifying figures have become part of our everyday vernacular. You can now call someone a “witch” or a “vampire” in casual conversation without raising any eyebrows. But let's shift our focus from mythical creatures to a topic that can make millennials break out in a cold sweat: marriage. You might question what insights I can offer about marriage, given that I’m not married myself. It’s a valid point. Yet, having an outsider's perspective can be like looking down on a maze from above—it often provides a clearer view than being tangled up inside it. Consider what you believe is permanent in your life. Time, for instance, is ever-slipping away, and change remains the only constant. This isn't a moral lecture but an examination of human nature. We all have an intrinsic desire to cling to and preserve what we love, driven by insecurities and the quest for permanence.

This brings us to marriage. If two people who love each other can grow together, give each other space, and discuss their problems without the formal institution of marriage, why is it considered a must-have? Some argue that marriage provides emotional stability and support. But does it really? If marriage were the key to stability, why do so many marriages end in divorce or infidelity? Meanwhile, birth rates are dropping, indicating a shift in priorities and societal values. Loneliness is also on the rise, with many young people feeling isolated. Statistics show that millennials are marrying later, with men typically tying the knot around age 30 and women at about 28. This delay reflects a broader trend of prioritizing personal and professional development before settling down. Interestingly, despite the overall high divorce rate, millennials have lower divorce rates than previous generations, likely due to their more cautious approach to marriage.

You might argue that marital issues arise from unresolved conflicts or that starting a family brings stability. But why the relentless urge to settle down? Historically, marriage was about continuing family lineage. Does a relationship that confines and limits you truly serve your best interests? Many married individuals lament missing "me time," justifying it as a necessary compromise. If you can build a fulfilling life for yourself, why accept constraints? I'm not against marriage per se; I challenge the rigid expectations and labels often attached to it. Marriage should be a thoughtful decision made when both partners are genuinely ready and have spent adequate time understanding each other instead of meeting merely societal expectations.

Like any investment, a relationship requires significant time and effort. If it doesn’t work out, people compromise over the top on their principles to make it fit. Marriage should be approached with care, especially for a generation that values personal growth and independence. As societal norms evolve, so should our understanding of commitment. A commitment should enhance your life, not restrict it. Let’s also consider that marriage can be more stressful for women than for men. Many women today recognize this because they’ve witnessed the struggles of previous generations.

Women often leave behind their comfort zones and emotional spaces, adapting to new households and expectations. Adrienne Rich’s poem "Aunt Jennifer’s Tigers" beautifully illustrates this:

Aunt Jennifer’s tigers prance across a screen, Bright topaz denizens of a world of green.
They do not fear the men beneath the tree; They pace in sleek chivalric certainty.
Aunt Jennifer’s finger fluttering through her wool Find even the ivory needle hard to pull.
The massive weight of Uncle’s wedding band Sits heavily upon Aunt Jennifer’s hand.
When Aunt is dead, her terrified hands will lie Still ringed with ordeals she was mastered by.
The tigers in the panel that she made Will go on prancing, proud and unafraid.

The poem contrasts the vibrant, fearless tigers Aunt Jennifer creates with her own constrained life, burdened by the weight of her wedding ring. The tigers live on in her artwork, embodying the freedom she longs for but doesn’t experience in her reality. Interestingly, you rarely find such expressions from men about marriage. When men do discuss it, their narratives often revolve around duty, work, or longing for something else.

This disparity highlights how differently marriage impacts individuals. Growing up in South Asian families, where collective culture predominates, the idea of having personal space and making decisions at one's own pace is still seen as a privilege. The process of individualism has yet to fully integrate with traditional family structures, which still hold a very Westernized perspective. The struggle for personal freedom and self-expression is ongoing in many cultures.

This isn’t entirely the fault of previous generations. After World War II, society underwent a significant shift. Consumerism and capitalism changed how people thought. New job opportunities emerged, providing more chances for people to earn. Women began to join the workforce, albeit on a smaller scale compared to men. Factory life, with men working long hours and coming home exhausted, created a desire for a family life that offered peace and balance. This was a way to counterbalance the rigorous demands of factory work.

Some women found this balance ideal, while others questioned their exclusion from opportunities beyond domestic work. Historically, in hunter-gatherer societies, men hunted and fought for survival while women nurtured the home and children. But times have changed. Women have made significant strides toward equal opportunities and rights, and many now fight for the freedom to make their own decisions. Once this autonomy was embraced, people began questioning whether marriage was the ultimate goal in life. The potential to explore one's own capabilities and seek new opportunities has pushed the idea of marriage down the list of priorities.

People have come to realize that marriage, like any other major life investment, should not be rushed or made out of necessity. Making informed decisions about it requires time and deliberation, which is why we are examining the concept of dating more closely. I recall a dialogue from a Bollywood movie called "Love You Zindagi," which means "Love You Life." In it, the central character visits a counselor for advice on dating. The counselor suggests that, when shopping for an item—whether it’s a top, a dress, or a chair—you rarely pick the first thing you see. Instead, you try on different options, test them for comfort, and then decide. If we put so much effort into choosing something that might only last a few years, why rush into a lifelong commitment like marriage?

Dating apps are booming, and people are getting increasingly clear about their priorities. Today, compatibility in relationships goes beyond just shared ideologies; it extends to understanding each other’s professional demands, personal space, and lifestyle choices. For example, imagine two people deeply in love, ready to marry, but their families are at odds. One family may have rigid cultural expectations, while the other values modern flexibility. Despite their mutual affection, the discord between their families could make marriage impractical. This reflects a shift from the old notion of "love conquers all" to a more nuanced view: that compatibility involves more than just love; it requires alignment on various life aspects.

Even pop culture has adapted to reflect more realistic scenarios. For instance, Love on the Brain by Rihanna delves into the complexities of maintaining a relationship amidst difficulties and misunderstandings. It reflects the reality that love alone is not always enough; practical issues and emotional endurance play significant roles.The Story of Us by Taylor Swift discusses the end of a relationship where, despite intense feelings, practical differences and communication breakdowns lead to separation. It underscores the need for both emotional and practical compatibility.

Series like "The Crown," a historical drama about the British royal family, explores the personal sacrifices and political maneuvering required in a high-profile marriage. It highlights how public and private pressures can shape and challenge the institution of marriage, revealing the complexities beyond romantic idealism.

As people seek everything from physical pleasure to long-term commitment or simply friendship, there’s a growing sense of clarity about what they want from a relationship, even if there's no complete certainty. These decisions are profoundly impactful, making careful consideration essential.