Sally, now 35, grew up in a small town in Brisighella, Ravenna, Italy, under the shadow of financial hardship and emotional neglect. Her parents struggled to make ends meet, often working multiple jobs just to put food on the table. This left little time for them to provide emotional support and care for Sally who was an only child. Consequently, she often felt neglected and unloved, growing up with a deep sense of isolation and insecurity. Desperate for affection and stability, Sally became susceptible to the influence of those who seemed to offer the love and care she craved. Her vulnerability made her an easy target for manipulation.

At 19, Sally met a man named Marco Armani, who promised her a brighter future. He provided emotional support and assurances of financial stability, taking her out to expensive restaurants, buying her clothes, a telephone and more. Marco was exceptionally classy, always impeccably dressed and exuding charm, which made Sally feel like she was living in a fairy tale.

However, as time went on, Sally realized that Marco's promises were not as solid as they seemed, leading to unforeseen challenges. His intentions were devious, he manipulated Sally into believing that working in the sex trade was her only path to getting attention and financial independence. He cunningly used her vulnerabilities against her, gradually eroding her self-esteem and convincing her that she was incapable of achieving anything better. To ensure complete control, he isolated her from her family and friends and by severing her with a support network, he made Sally entirely dependent on him, deepening her entrapment and exploitation. He monitored her every move, controlled her finances, and employed threats and psychological manipulation to maintain his dominance.

Decades of trauma and exploitation left Sally battling severe depression. Negative thoughts overwhelmed her daily routine, making routine activities feel insurmountable. The weight of self-criticism and hopelessness bore down on her, trapping her in a cycle of despair. However, Sally's journey didn't end in darkness. She was given the book "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris, as a present from another ex-sex trade worker who managed to reclaim her identity. Through the application of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) principles, she found a way to reclaim her life.

The months that followed were full of findings and practicing what she learned. These are some of the key nuggets from the book that helped her on her path to healing.

Focus on helpful thoughts, not just truthful thoughts

Sally often thought, "I am damaged beyond repair." Shifting her focus from the truthfulness of this thought to its helpfulness was crucial. Realizing the thought wasn't helpful, she began to redirect her attention to more constructive and healing thoughts.

For example, Sally often thought, "I will never be good enough for another job."

  • Shifting focus: instead of asking whether this thought is true, Sally asked herself, "Is this thought helpful?"

  • Realization: realizing the thought wasn't helpful, Sally began to redirect her attention to more constructive and motivating thoughts.

  • Constructive thought: Sally started thinking, "I can improve my skills with practice and effort," and began setting small, achievable goals to build her confidence and competence and try a different career path.

  • Result: by focusing on actionable steps and positive affirmations, Sally saw gradual improvements in her performance at different skills and began feeling more capable and satisfied with different jobs.

Challenge unhelpful self-critical thoughts

Self-blame haunted Sally. She constantly thought, "It's my fault I ended up in the sex trade." By challenging this self-criticism, she recognized the coercion and manipulation she had endured, allowing her to focus on her strength and resilience. This is how she put it into practice.

  • Negative thought: Sally constantly thought, "It's my fault I ended up in the sex trade."

  • Shifting focus: instead of asking whether this thought is true, Sally asked herself, "Is this thought helpful?"

  • Realization: by challenging this self-criticism, she recognized the coercion and manipulation she had endured.

  • Constructive thought: Sally began to focus on her strength and resilience, thinking, "I was manipulated, but I am strong and capable of rebuilding my life."

This shift in perspective allowed Sally to start seeing herself not as a victim but as a survivor. She sought support from counseling and support groups, and began taking steps towards a new, empowered life.

Evaluate the utility of thoughts

Thoughts like "I'll never have a normal life" plagued Sally. By questioning the utility of such thoughts, she could shift towards those that promoted hope and action, like "I can take steps towards building a better future."

Recognize that thoughts are stories

Understanding that thoughts are stories her mind tells rather than absolute truths was a revelation for Sally. For example, "I'm worthless" became a narrative shaped by her past trauma, not a definitive fact, helping her hold these thoughts more lightly.

The impostor syndrome and paying attention to direct experience

Sally often felt like an impostor in her attempts to rebuild her life. By paying more attention to her direct experiences—such as positive feedback from counsellors and therapy progress—she counteracted these self-critical thoughts.

Exercise: not taking a thought seriously

Sally experimented with not taking distressing thoughts seriously. Imagining these thoughts in a humorous voice reduced their impact, helping her cope better.

  • Distressing thought: Sally often thought, "Everyone thinks I'm a failure."

  • Exercise: Sally experimented with not taking this thought seriously. She imagined this thought being said in a humorous voice, like that of a cartoon character.

  • Impact: by hearing the thought in a funny voice, its seriousness and emotional impact were greatly reduced.

  • Result: this exercise helped Sally see the thought as less threatening and more manageable. She found it easier to cope with the negative thoughts and focus on her positive qualities and achievements.

Defusion techniques

Practicing defusion techniques like "Thanking Your Mind," Sally would acknowledge thoughts like "I can't escape my past" with a simple, "Thank you, mind, for that thought." This created distance and reduced the thoughts' power over her.

Practicing defusion

Regular practice of defusion helped Sally see her thoughts as just words and images passing through her mind, not truths she had to act on. This allowed her to focus on meaningful activities, such as connecting with supportive friends or pursuing new interests.

Expectations and Application

Sally learned to manage her expectations about defusion. She understood that it wasn't about feeling better immediately but about seeing thoughts as mere words. This reduced their hold on her, even if it didn't eliminate them entirely.

Continuous practice and awareness

Regularly practicing defusion techniques, Sally aimed to notice when she was caught up in her thoughts (fusion). By observing her thoughts without attachment (defusion), she created more mental space and reduced the emotional impact of her traumatic experiences.

A journey towards healing

Through the principles, Sally began to develop healthier ways to relate to her thoughts. By focusing on helpfulness rather than truthfulness, challenging unhelpful thoughts, evaluating their utility, and practicing defusion techniques, she gradually reduced the impact of her depressive thoughts. Sally's story is one of resilience and hope, highlighting the possibility of recovery and empowerment even in the darkest of times. She has managed to escape from the trade and has been rebuilding her life since.