White Dwarf

Attempting to morph a heart into a organ.
Capacity to feel: brain only
A recording device.
Oxytocin to blame. I dance
Robotic. Possessed. Compulsive. Depressed
My body has a built in mechanism to respond to
Muses and music. What is the formula for it all.
Nights reserved for the nightmares you star in.
Don’t get me started. On. Off. On.
Mistaken smoke and mirrors for air,
Learned cruelty for my own good
Fed and fed.
A newborn trapped outside the womb;
Duration of stay: infinite. Galaxies hidden in our
Ashes, just observe them under a microscope,
I promise you the universe.
Heart growing eyes
Red giants—
The end: multiple entry
Time ticking,
Muffled. Distinct. Unforgiving.
Befriended screams, warnings
The invisible within
Who can save you from your
Disillusionment? When your particles
Are incognito. Distorted visions.
“The colossal vitality of his illusion”.
Fragmental selves floa
Many ghosts are here with us tonight.
One host
Birthing waves: up down up down, to drown
Black holes— all meaning
Purpose, paradise a lost hell, a ghost of
You, you chew you screw you blew it, it’s “True
Blue” on repeat.
I try to live technicolor but I’m so
Blue.
I’d like
To mean it when I say I don’t crave you.
I repeat
Ancient little tragedies to fix
The it all in my thirties. I fixate unconscious on
You on blue blue blue
I repeat to shiver, to come alive through a
Deadly fever— do not
Disturb.
Black holes—meaning
Will they eat you up will they stop you in your
Tracks(uit bottoms). No more sleep-
Walking.
Will crowds in likes in follows
Satiate a hunger deep as an abyss.
Is it sadistic to welcome
Your misery. What if it is
Simply karmic delivery.
Something sinister yet amicable,
I am satisfied
A first.
Killed the good in me.
Now you see me.

Red & Blue

I feel lonely lately,
Something choking the illumination
But the dipping sun comes back up
To dissolve the walls to kill the fog
The gods are laughing hard at our
Distorted perception, only five senses when
You need none to see it all in technicolor.
Our despicable
Greed in noble ambition’s clothing fluffy,
Criminal, murderous. Killing nature mother,
Her children of all kinds god is a woman. Oh god,

What are you on about. Lacking purpose
Lacking heart clocking in,
In in in everything you need is within
I am now all heart no mind— an
Accompanying element an instrumental
Track watching, recording the being;
The being is all we can be in the end
In the beginning in the middle in the
End end end—
Why is the sun not bright at night Mr.

Hawking? Why would we every think
We are the only celestial beings? Aren’t
We also in space floating along, who
In their right mind or heart drew the
Boundary the epitome of
Individualization
Or xenophobia or narcissism while I am
Collecting drops of red and blue poems and
Periods to
Make my petty mark— I see stars and

Skeletons when I shut my eyes wide
Like I will matter for longer than
My lifetime to some
It won’t matter when you die and
Stay dead I swear— you won’t be afraid
Of the eternal sleep in deep cold waters
I do not need to hold onto a floating doorframe,
Let me
Go.

Maybe you were an olympian, a winner of some
Made-up prize or one half of Bonnie and Clyde
When you are going purple and blue; shriveled
What will it matter but too bad for those with
In-built conscience like me moving everywhere
With the ghosts of guilt and regret— unless
You do as your heart commands don’t worry
I also see spiders and blood on a Rorschach
Test. I wish I wasn’t such a great test-taker for
I could drown my selves long before I
Could see them in an ink
Mirror— I have a rather built-in system.

Face,
You look dainty, broken veins popping adorned
With some wrinkles. Unlearning: a brutal
Task I feel ugly; I can’t stop time unless
I die young, a tough one, for an orchestra
Playing the piece of silence at least the nutter
Thoughts bitter will swing back to sweet
Dreams. If only I was a celestial being
Trapped in a body of a sad woman aging/living/
Being— are(n’t) we all dystopian creatures Mr
Hawking?