What does the world need more of?
Not your imagination, they have plenty of that distributed among men who are just not fit
for the society.
Then?
It’s a question that has troubled everyone, not just you, it pierced the geniuses of the geniuses, thinking day and night about simple things, about what the world actually needs.
But please save yourself that trouble of thinking too deeply that the world needs you. It needs a reason, a good reason.

That I can tell you.

Reason?

Yes, a reason to live. A goddamn reason. Otherwise, it’s a cranky pile of memories that keeps on showing different things that I don’t really want to see or feel at every moment.
But you don’t worry much yourself, you don’t need anything of that sort, you don’t need to think about all those things. You are not needed you see, your imagination and your dedication to your solitary revenge is neither welcomed nor accepted, you will only perish away thinking about the unknown which is only a fraction of the discovery that other men like you have already made. So let’s forget that question to begin with.

Then what should I do?
Jump off the cliff right now.
That is not an answer.
That is the answer. Take a chance.
It's easy for you to say, why don’t you jump?
And she did, jumped right off from the 5th floor, smashing her skull at the ground, scattering blood and pieces of body parts, which made the people all wonder, about the mental state of a human. And what it can do.

It can do wonders.

I laughed like a psychopath and went downstairs and went on my way.

Today is not the day for me to die. Maybe tomorrow might be, but today is a gift that is why it is called a present. What amusing brain of mine, what scrap of ambition to only exist within the greats, in all reality, all I want is to sit on a throne and kill a whole country and see its flames, but what if everything that I think of is completely wrong? They are, they should be. I went to the street, past the whores, past the police station and came in front of my sheer enemy, my day job. I just hate it. I could. I could just scream in the depth of their ears that it’s a sheer act of living, neither you are dying nor enjoying your bets, nor you hold yourself to a simple piece of justice, only a goddamn run for the money. All I am doing is completing a day and shifting my gears into turning my ass over at the same street tomorrow. Where is my reason?

For 8 hours, that thought took me to the cycle of my childhood and other facets of my memory to find an answer to this obvious question, what do I do with my life? Nothing, it only conveyed to me my infatuation with my own outcasted tragedy. Nothing more. I did the work, smoked a cigarette and looked at the women’s legs, they all looked ready. Between the work I drink some Hennessy, and join the weakened soldier of the dead to dig out some more papers, Research about certain things and convey messages to one another about things that do not concern me at all. The romance sure does concern me, but the conversation does not, neither I like it nor do you like it. It’s all the same for the rest of us too.
But what should I do?

I asked one girl out, whether she was free or not.
She was. But just not this day, she has something that is already on her calendar. I waved my hat and went out to the streets of many depths and smoked another cigarette. The woman who jumped off 2 days ago is still alive. Man wanting to save lives is a miracle, and I went to check on her. She was dislocated on every part that you can think of and had a bright smile when she saw me.
Kid, she said. The loud voice of enthusiasm.
I went to her. Seated myself and nursed her hands which were all covered up with bandages. How are you? She asked.
I am okay. How are you?
Don’t you see I am alive?
Yes…I see that but Do you want to be alive?
I don’t know.

So everything is a don’t know phenomenon and the rest is all up to the gods.
Gods, who the hell is he? He is only a fragment of our faith to make things go in the right direction, I do not like him nor does he like me, it’s all the same for everyone who prays too much and cannot fathom reality or needs someone for himself to be good, and good has never tasted good, but You know, I went to the gods and came back. I saw him, he was not like a picture or a man, it was a force, a huge force inside a large tree and leaves surrounded the place with the breeze. I felt all calm and in a Moment I was ready for heaven.
But soon darkness fell across the stadium and I was all alone with myself again and I shattered my own repeated self of a humiliated person who couldn’t come out. And then I was inside this mascarade of people covering me up like a science project.
So you met god in a way.

I don’t know whether you can call it a god, maybe it is something that I wanted to experience my whole life, maybe it was the happiness looking its way to convey its message to live more but whatever it was sure gave me a few more years to live on.
You should be happy that you are alive, I have often heard that when someone comes out of their death, they have now the power to know themselves. It is a myth of sorts, but a great many people have come out of it knowing what they want to do!!
She looked all puzzled, wrapped around in her own wraps of various bandages and I waited for her response.

So?? I waited for her discovery.
So what?
What do you want to do now,? Like you have gotten this another chance to live, this another chance to see life in a different manner.
I don’t know. In an instant, all her enthusiasm of waking up from death seemed a distant fantasy of waking up from the delusion. Have you figured it out?
I laughed.

How can I? You had the opportunity, you met god, he must have told you something. No, he didn’t, it was like an unresponsive entity which was there for his amusement.
So, Then it was better for you to remain dead, I mean you have no reason.
I think it was better when it became clear of the darkness that engulfed me, but now I want an ice cream, can you get me one?

Yeah sure.

I went out bought ice cream, and two toppings of chocolate pie flavour and came in to find that she has hanged herself.

I took both those ice cream and gave one to a homeless guy who just couldn’t commit suicide and the other, it melted all its crust by the time I reached the park.