A sense of individuality is an important feature, both biologically and socially. Being an individual is associated with healthy self-expression and full self-acceptance. Being distinct is especially important in the artistic professions, where it is on otherness builds identity as an artist. Building this individuality begins in early childhood, through the natural process of gaining autonomy as a child, learning to function apart from his mother or without her. Shaping this individuality in adulthood is a very different process, but not as distant as it might seem. Allowing ourselves our own uniqueness requires, first of all, accepting ourselves as an autonomous individuals in a world in which we rely primarily on ourselves outside the nest of the family home.

A sense of separateness

A sense of individuality means to build an image, way of life, set of values, and methods of implementing them in life. Following our individuality is therefore a path in one's own way, consistent only with oneself, without the influence of third parties, without the accretions brought from home, or without looking at what others tell us. Everyone acquires a different degree of self-expression. Artists are usually extremely distinct. Allowing oneself to be self-expressive can be a risk, for it goes beyond what is safe and average. However, you don't have to be an artist or a visionary to design your own life.

It takes a lot of courage to get rid of the fear of being judged by others and to follow our own distinctiveness. Sometimes it's to take the road against the current differently than others wish, which requires a lot of assertiveness. Going with the vision of our true, separate selves requires a person to agree to be different from others and to step out of their comfort zone.

Going down the path of our individuality is also simply growing up. If you allow yourself to become an adult, you don't hide behind the fact that you need a parent's constant help, approval, or consent for what you want to do with your life. Adulthood requires a certain autonomy and clarity in our own choices, for which we take full responsibility.

Sometimes it takes us years to develop our own individuality. It takes time to build up a certain kind of inner compass and charisma that help guide our lives. Above all, however, in all this, you need a certain inwardness and separation from the standards brought from home. If you want to build a life your way, you have to let yourself take responsibility for your life. And this works both ways. On the one hand, getting rid of the imposed canons; on the other, not blaming family members for their own choices.

Natural separation

The development of a sense of separateness is a biological function that occurs in stages at the age of 3. This is when the child gradually learns to separate from his mother, discovering new cognitive functions. However, this process begins as early as 3 weeks of age, when the child demands his mother's attention, engaging her mere presence. There are even theories according to which the baby is already kicking in the mother's belly, letting the outside world know that it is ready for separation. Nevertheless, it has been confirmed that around the 5th month there is a stage of so-called “psychic birth," when the child undergoes a stage of differentiation, making the distinction that outside the mother's body the world can also be experienced. Around 9 months, the baby begins to crawl and manifest curiosity about the world, treating the mother as a refuge to which it can always return during its explorations. These stages are passed in succession until a relative sense of autonomy is achieved, which crystallizes at 3 years of age, when the year-old child begins to recognize his individuality.

A proper transition between these stages determines the ability to build healthy relationships in which we are not afraid of closeness. We build healthy relationships only through a healthy separation from our mother, a biological being, who powered us and conditioned our survival. As an adult being, man is destined to develop a certain feeling of completeness that will not dictate that he fulfil the need for constant closeness to his mother. Sometimes, however, people build relationships around them that are an extension of their relationship with their mother or set the parent as an unsurpassed role model that the partner is unable to match.

These and other mechanisms make it difficult to build an autonomous, happy life. The basis for building our own individuality is constructing a unique path in life without sticking to expectations or patterns brought from home, which is the healthy construction of a boundary between the child-mother relationship.

Success for the parent

Independence is a reward and a success for a parent. A parent who has integrated a sense of mission, related to the task of raising a child is able to recognize the child's adulthood and thus individuality. Preparing a child for independent living is actually the most important task of a parent, as we can observe among animals. Birds eject their chicks from the nest when they feel they are ready for them to learn to live independently. Does it look similar in human life? It varies; sometimes the parent himself is not ready, at other times the child is. It is worth bearing in mind that only a healthy balance and independence from the nest determine the ability to build your own life on your own terms. For a parent, it is a great pride to have a child he can trust and watch his individual growth. A child who is able to make his own decisions and build his life in his own unique way, such as choosing a profession that no one in the family has yet chosen, etc., has a healthy, balanced love of his own and what he received from the parent, which allows him to reach for his own.

Building a balance within ourselves between the bond that binds us to the family home and the ability to build our own identity in our individual world requires some healthy compromise. There is no space for hiding behind irresponsibility or any evasion. A healthy adult cares for, first and foremost, a healthy individuality, because it is only in this sense of separateness that it becomes a pride to the parent, who looks with confidence at the child's development. Mutual trust is the basis of this mutually beneficial process, where everyone finds space for themselves.

References

1 Viorst. J. 2020. Necessary losses. Warszawa: Zwierciadło.