My fiancé and I were driving home one evening as he had just picked me up from the hospital where I worked. His office was a few kilometres from mine. He turned on the car radio and tuned to a local radio station. A radio jingle from a well-known church in our city was playing. It was assiduously advertising a two-day deliverance crusade. The less-than-a-minute jingle insinuated that women who were over thirty and weren’t married had “spirit husbands”. It repeatedly echoed, “Come and be delivered from your spirit husbands and be married within seven days.” It was so ridiculous that I started laughing. I found it absurd that spirit husbands could be in any way a reason why women over thirty were unmarried. To my utmost dismay, my fiancé seemed to believe in the perception of spirit husbands and he was actually amazed that I had never heard about this phenomenon. He said it was common talk everywhere. So he took some time to enlighten me.

The concept of spirit spouse is a prevalent ideology of mysticism, dispersed through various cultures and religions around the world. Often, these spirit husbands or wives are primarily accused of sexually arousing and harassing their victims while they are asleep which often leads to subsequent ejaculation in men. They wake up to a hard penis that just ejaculated. For women, they are sexually aroused which leads to vaginal wetness and awaking to experience an orgasm.

Oh, really! Men do have spiritual wives too.

I giggled.

Of course, but spiritual husbands are more common. Some women sleep through their climax. The ones who have orgasms while sleeping are not able to say with certainty if they had orgasms during their sleep or not which makes it spookier because their spiritual husband wiped it off their memory through demonic manipulation.

Demonic manipulation?

I interrupted.

Do you truly believe in these kinds of superstitions? Why have you ruled out the thought that this said victim could be having a wet dream or is aroused by his or her mind recreating an event that happened during the day

I jolted his thoughts.

Basically, wet dreams do not occur with manual or spirit stimulation, but instead as a result of natural processes.

I said agitatedly, turning down the radio because the jingle was up again.

Natural as in the you-can’t-stop-thinking-about-how-hot-your-waiter-was-before-you-fell-asleep type of vibes.

Oh, come on! These things do happen and it’s normal. There is absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, supernatural or demonic about sexual arousal in your sleep or even orgasm.

Sexual arousal happens during REM sleep: During the REM stage in sleep, the blood flow in the pelvic region gets boosted. This leads to erection in men and vaginal wetting in women. Sexual arousal can occur when one watches erotic films, masturbates or even after sexual intercourse. A lot of times, many people are brought awake to find themselves sexually aroused or having had/still having a sexual orgasm.

Aaaahhh! You haven’t seen or heard anything yet. These things are more than just wet dreams. I recently watched a video online of a lady making love to the air in her bed at night. She was actively doing every sexual move.

I have been a clinical psychologist for eight years and in all my years of practice at home and abroad, I haven’t heard anything this silly.

Look at you. It’s because you were schooled abroad and practised a few years there before returning. Now you’re practising in one of the biggest hospitals in the city where your clients are mostly the highest social strata. They wouldn’t come to you with the issues of spiritual spouses.

He teased.

These things do happen but there are no spirit husbands in the picture. The lady in question may have a sleep disorder.

Sleep disorder?

Yes sleep disorder. It is called sexsomnia also known as sleep sex. It is considered a type of parasomnia, an abnormal activity, behaviour, or experience that occurs during deep sleep. As with other parasomnias, such as sleepwalking, sleep talking, and sleep driving, sexsomnia could be caused by a disruption while the brain is moving between deep sleep cycles. These disturbances are often called confusion arousals (CAs).

See, the words you used to describe these behaviours were abnormal and confusion arousal yet you say it’s normal. Come off it my dear, spiritual things do exist and some women have spiritual husbands. Our God is not a God of confusion so this behaviour is from the pit of hell, the pit of hell I say.

He growled holding the steering wheel firmly.

Gosh! This is ridiculous. Ok, as a sociologist who has been a bank representative for a few years now and I know you’re a firm believer in Freud’s psychodynamic theories. Freud's theory of dreams suggests that dreams represent unconscious desires, thoughts, wish fulfilment, and motivations. Even you should know that.

Freud’s theory contains some elements of truth. However, it is not wholly true. All dreams are not direct or indirect fulfilments. There are several counterarguments to Freud’s theories. So you better not

I better not what? You of all people should know better. These conditions are real and treatable but not by deliverance. One must first see a professional and get a diagno...

The car came to an abrupt stop. We were in front of my block of flats.

I love you, and I respect you. Let’s speak about this later when we are both kinder and ready to see each other’s point of view.

I will come over for lunch tomorrow

He said kissing my right hand.

The well-intentioned conversation had grown into an argument that was reductive, pointless and exhausting. So I stopped, stepped out of the car and walked into my apartment quietly.