During childhood, we often become accustomed to feeling a particular emotion with which we begin to identify. This strong identification begins to take the form of a habit over time. This emotion can be a feeling of frustration, for example, which has covered up real needs and has stuck with us. This emotion can also be dissatisfaction, anxiety, guilt, shame, or stepping into the role of victim. These layers of our personality can end up building a sub-personality, that is, creating a false and dual image of our psyche. But is this really the case, or is it just a false part of our personality?

The whispers of our personality usually show us what governs it. It's a bit like looking at what's hiding under the bonnet of a car. Sometimes there can be parts in there, such as trying to judge and judge others. Other times an attempt to control myself as well as everything outside of myself. It can also be the self-critic and blamer that causes you the most suffering. It is said that we inflict the most suffering on ourselves with this type of narrative. Unfortunately, we can live for years with a dual personality in which we are used to the voice of the critic, the blamer, or the controlling despot. This happens when, as a child, we agreed to cover up our real emotions with a smile, for example, or we shut ourselves away so as not to add to the adult problems of a dysfunctional home. It could have been that everything was out of control, so now we try to make up for it. Meanwhile, letting go of control doesn't mean being weak; it means being free.

Layers of false personality are responsible for screwing up the ego spiral that throws you into excessive anxiety, control, or self-criticism. This leads to a strong identification with the role imposed on you until you begin to follow instincts appropriate to the emotion given, making rash decisions, such as judging something or someone. Listening to the whispers of a false personality can also fundamentally hinder any decision-making at all, as they delegate us from the voice of reason and self-esteem.

In this way, a person starts to become a master at ‘getting down on himself’, attacking himself (or others) for every mistake, setting off a spiral of anxiety or dissatisfaction.

To be wrong is not a bad thing, as long as we remember it later.

(Confucius)

This maxim gets to the heart of the meaning of how it is not worth weakening your inner strength by holding yourself accountable for past mistakes. Forgive yourself for not knowing more and better in the past.

The path to detachment is the path of stepping out of all the unnecessary layers that prevent you from integrating yourself. These layers, over time, lead to ruminations, i.e., obsessive unanswered questions in which you put yourself in the role of the bad guy. Sometimes these are also called ‘loops’, self-perpetuating cycles of anxiety or vicious mental wheels. You may then torment yourself with questions such as ‘I could have done differently’, ‘did I really do the right thing’, ‘how could I have acted like that’, etc. An unhealthy race of thoughts then follows, which cyclically renews and loops itself. Separation here involves cutting oneself off from thoughts that are not edifying or contribute anything positive. In order for this separation from ruminations to occur, however, it is important to become aware of the roles that the ego imposes on us.

The biological task of the ego is to protect you from the consequences of bad events, thus preventing you from taking risks. Thus, the very concept of ego enforces the idea that we are ‘something’. And in fact, can we be 100% sure of who we really are? Protecting us, therefore, from anything that seems familiar but is not necessarily so is therefore limiting. Well, the fear of any change can inhibit our development in life, carried by our concern for the false identity with which we identify.

The external emanation of our ego, on the other hand, is the language we speak to others as well as to ourselves. So if we are invaded by critical thoughts about ourselves, we may attract the same kind of partners who will judge us harshly. I wouldn't call this the mirror principle, although I often come across such a theory; rather, it is the transmission of our own opinion of ourselves to the outside world. These are the kinds of messages we know well, so they do not deviate from our internal norm.

Cultivating aspects of a false identity within ourselves is akin to collecting unnecessary cups. Over time, we collect more and more of them, even though we no longer need them at all, nor do they represent our taste. And yet we collect. You store the ones you receive as gifts, the ones you hunt down at a sale in the market, or the ones you inherit from someone. And so you grow crockery that belongs to you yet does not represent anything of what you like because, for example, most of the mugs have funny inscriptions, while you actually like the mugs with floral motifs. And yet you treat guests with them and use them yourself because you have become accustomed to the fact that they have become part of your home.

It is the same with parts of our personality. There are parts that we have become so accustomed to that they have become a habit. For example, runaway thoughts around money anxiety can become so ingrained in our daily lives that we no longer pay attention to how many times we count money, how many times we feel sorry for ourselves, or feel remorse whenever we buy ourselves something.

Sometimes, even on a small salary, one person can wait calmly until the 10th, while another will focus in obsessive anxiety on lack instead of appreciating the mere fact of having. And it is this focus on lack that can be one such unnecessary mugging that has become so permanently ingrained in our daily lives that we are unable to notice that this aspect is spreading like a virus to other areas of life. This sense of lack brings with it a hint of dissatisfaction with what you have, and so this dissatisfaction can also manifest itself in frustration over inadequate weather, an unsatisfactory trip, appearance, etc. And now, are we able to see this aspect of the personality, or are we entering another phase of blaming the whole world for our unhappiness? It is worth remembering that our attention is followed by our thoughts, and these create our reality.

All the neuroses of looking ahead and soliciting ‘B’ plans just in case also point to the overconstruction aspect of false identity. Excessive preoccupation with ‘what if’ actually distances us from the present moment. And if we are not in the here and now, then our attention is again distanced from the real thing. This is not to say that it is not worth planning or preparing for certain actions. However, compulsively securing ourselves at every step can lead us to conclude, years later, that we haven't actually done anything spontaneous. We've never gone to an interesting festival (because what if it rains?) Or there are too many people?), we've never taken the trip of a lifetime (only tried and tested hotels in tried and tested locations), or we've never done a unique photo shoot (why spend money on something you can do yourself?).

When you free yourself from all unnecessary layers, then it resembles the finale of a play where the curtain falls. The masks also fall, and suddenly we are naked, natural in this falling light and the attention that is directed at us. And this is why people are often afraid of therapy. Many times they sabotage spirituality in the same way, lumping it in with esotericism or imaginary knowledge. And this state of dropping the masks is pure essence; the Polynesian kahunas would call it ‘point zero’, where we shed egos, archetypes, ancestral patterns, and dual roles. It is merely a restoration of the ‘factory settings’ that reveal your true personality, not secret knowledge.

It is also worth knowing that it is not the case that we discover ourselves fully and, clean as a whistle, decide—I already know everything about myself! Man develops his consciousness constantly, and there is always something to be discovered or transformed. However, when we talk about these unseen layers, we are touching on the underlying and crucial aspects that hinder the creation of harmonious relationships—with oneself and with the world. So uncovering the greatest illusions of your own inner self is like unearthing a fossil—it is a milestone in your development. It is how you start differently, in an already new quality, from the position of an adult and not a hurt child. From this place, you already have influence. This is how you begin to live life on your terms.

This state, however, can be initially painful and, at the same time, a source of intoxication and happiness. Yes, this is me. I have finally come to myself. I already know who I am. And even if I am not sure, I certainly know who I am not. I know what layers have overbuilt me over the years, so that I can now direct my life and decide from the position of a director rather than a random actor.

When the curtain falls, we regain power over our own lives and thus gain access to our fullness. Are you ready for this?