Exploring the balance within humanity

I knew my message beyond words.
I felt alive beyond the superficiality of color and form.
And saw my clarity, chasing away,
the shadow projected on the ground by man.

(Julia de Burgos)

Patriarchy has been, and continues to be, in almost total control of the processes of life and the destiny of human society. History is full of great scientific, artistic, and material advances, but also of unimaginable suffering, of senseless wars, one after another, each sowing the seeds of the next eruption of violence. An endless succession of acts of manly bravado, where the tender and civilizing touch of the feminine aspect of humanity is alien.

Of all the things in duality, none has caught my attention so much as the contrast and balance of the masculine-feminine, both within myself, in relationships between one and the other, and in the development of the history of humanity.

As boys, we played wars with other boys, using wooden swords, or plastic guns. We pretended to kill each other and argued heatedly about when one was "dead" or not, in the game. If the imaginary bullet shot hit you in the chest, you would be dead.

Meanwhile girls played with dolls and poured tea. They were not interested in playing wars, nor were they interested in cops and bandits. And they laughed at our discussions about the "casualties" of our wars.

In the squares of our towns and cities there are always statues of men on horseback or on foot, carrying swords on their belts, men that fought in wars, heroes, soldiers. But no monuments to self-sacrificing women, who had given their lives for their children, nor statues celebrating tenderness, silent sacrifice, or the long courage of just being.

When I went to live in Switzerland for a few years, in 1980, I was told about the great Swiss democracy, about citizen participation in cantonal decisions. But I was never told that, in this much-celebrated democracy, men did not recognize women's voting rights until February 1971, 80 years after New Zealand, 53 years after Germany, and almost 50 years after the United States!

I always felt that there was something strange in the organization of humanity, when the masculine and feminine aspects of the human being were supposedly enclosed in the forms that carried the genitalia. By definition and convention, because we can observe women exhibiting stamina and bravery that surpasses that of any man and I have seen in men, moments of heightened sensitivity and tenderness.

So, I do not know why, we distribute the feminine and masculine aspects, as if they are tied with the physical form of man or woman, instead of realizing that both aspects are part of our humanity and that they transcend gender. In my understanding, what makes us truly human is balancing and expressing these archetypal forces, these energies of Shiva or Shakti, as they are called in Hindu mythology or Yin and Yang in Chinese cosmology, in each of us, regardless of our gender or sexuality.

Now that gun massacres in the United States are almost daily in the news, it turns out that almost all the events of mass murder of unknown people, children in schools, bystanders, are perpetrated by men. Are these war games played by boys attached to a sick reality, with toys that are now really deadly?

I think that humanity has to get out of this patriarchal organization that we have adopted throughout history. Yes, there has been progress in terms of women's rights, although there are still too many anachronisms, and sometimes they are aimed at having women carrying out masculine aspects and roles, continuing the preponderance of the male perspective of power; pugnacity and primacy, rather than the compassion, tenderness, and protection, which are framed in human femininity.

How to move towards an organization of the planet, where these energies are in balance within each one, regardless of their gender, and thus achieve a more humane and sustainable world? I feel it's the only thing that will save us from ourselves.

I have no solutions, or proposals, I just want to present the concern, and to pay tribute to women, who until today have represented and protected the human aspect of femininity and have suffered as human beings, enormous oppression, by a patriarchal masculine predominant system that suffocates our future possibilities as a species.

I want to give thanks for the love received throughout my life from these human beings called women, who have taught me that the most important thing in life is love. And they have made me look for the woman who lives within me, the complementary side of my being.

Lolita was the first woman I met in my life. Mother, counselor, friend, spiritual guide. I always remember the day of her terrible car accident, when I thought she was going to die. I would then be about 10 years old; she would be about 49. She survived, her face hit by rebars, her bones broken. After a long crisis and with great courage she faced recovery, along with the disfigurement of her beautiful face, and the endless medical processes.

But she never lost her sweetness, nor the joy for life. She was, for those who knew her, a woman who opened her doors to all, without discrimination of any kind, compassionate, always aware of the beauty of nature and human hearts, no matter the outer clothing that covered them, nor their beliefs, nor tendencies. Lolita was truly a special being. Her willpower, compassion, and tolerance for different points of view were notable. She worked in social services and would come home to take care of my father who was in bed with a disability illness, and there was never bitterness, or despair on her face. On the contrary, she was a source of strength for many.

From her, I got this mania of writing what I feel, of feeling before thinking, and of feeling what I think. She taught me the secret alcoves of my heart, and the art of reflection, when I sat with her on her porch, to converse about the world.

I always saw all women, perhaps because of this influence of my mother, with enormous respect and admiration. I was drawn to them in many ways, from instinct to wonder, but in all of them I always discovered a part of me that I didn't know and wanted to discover, and that somehow they represented, but that was also inside myself.

The women of my family, the mothers of my children, my daughters and granddaughters, my sister, my cousins, my lovers, my friends, my colleagues, my imaginaries, all have always shown what for me is a quality of light; the feminine. And through my different relationships with them, I discovered another part of me, which is present in the labyrinths behind my mind, in my soul, and which complements this predominant masculine personality, and can make me truly human.

Reflecting on the search for that other complementary part of the feminine that seemed to be outside of me, I came to intuit that, in reality, my soul is masculine and feminine at the same time, and that this search for complementarity outside is actually aimed at finding the Beloved, who seems to be outside, but who actually lives inside. As Rumi said: "Lovers do not, finally meet, they are within themselves all the time." All the songs of life are but the same song of the soul, which seeks the other part of itself, in an inner porch conversation.

On that barred balcony, where so many times I sat with my mother to chat about life, we talked about my passing, from her womb to my present dilemmas, and hers, and about beauty and her poems. And she, knowing me in so many moments of time, of consciousness and ignorance on my part, watched me grow, with an inveterate love. Still today, in her absence, from this distant instant, I hear her voice, and I feel her tenderness and wisdom, so ancient. And I remember her there, bidding farewell in a blessing, from her womb and her porch.