When looking for advice, people that are in love tend to be way more permissive than the majority of the time the lover in question should allow. And then on is when you should ask the tough and direct friend, the one who will not lie to you.

I have been present in both uncomfortable and weird conversations about what is permissible in a relationship and what is not. It was a surprise to know that as time goes by, and I am no longer young and naïve, I can tell when someone does not differentiate between healthy dynamics and just allowing your partner to gaslight you. I understand that dynamics in a couple are unique for everyone; it depends on your previous experiences and upbringing as well as your partner’s. It depends if it is an open relationship or not, etc. Nonetheless, the conversations I have found myself in the middle of are quite eye-opening, and as somebody who only dates for marriage, not for fun, I find this incredibly interesting.

I have never dated for fun; I do not understand the concept and never will. Nevertheless, I respect it. All my friends do it, but my bestie and I, nonetheless, we all love the tea and the laughs. Now, when my friends ask me about my opinion, because I love them, I am always direct and sincere, but they usually do not appreciate the feedback, even though I try to explain beforehand that our experiences and limits are different. A perfect example is the 50/50 mindset.

I know this is a controversial topic, but let me tell you, I have never dated a man that after the first date has even considered looking at me with the intention of paying half the bill. If it were ever to happen, which never did, because they all paid the whole thing, and guess what, they asked for nothing in return, I would have just paid my part and leave. If they were to contact me again, I would just say we are not in the same page and stop talking to them as a possible partner, but as a friend.

I have never been asked for anything in return, nor for payment, even when the date was okay, but not what we were both looking for. I have gained many amazing guy friends after this, which makes me wonder if women are just not dating in the right pool. Standards are the important factor here. And I am not judging anybody here. Nor men, nor, the Universe forbid, women.

My advice? Work. Have fun. Create a healthy group of girlfriends. Find yourself. Discover hobbies you love. Study different languages. Travel. And then, once you are in love with yourself so deeply, date for marriage. You do not need a partner to be happy. In fact, after taking care of many women along the way that would not stop fighting for a partner that was not worthy of them, I stopped being friends with them because their energy was just off. And I was starting to feel unhappy too, because I was starting to believe that all men were the same, when in fact, they are not, at least not to the women they try to impress.

Once you are successful and you have your own money, marry the man that makes you feel at home and safe, not butterflies, those are an anxiety attack reaction. Once you find him, you will know if he loves you because you will be the queen of the home, and you will have nothing to worry about. You will have a job you love, an amazing group of girl friends, and great experiences and anecdotes. If he ever cheats or becomes abusive, you will not only be able to leave, but you will have enough earnings from all those bills that you have not invested in like rent and utilities. So, your time will not have been in vain. Final tip? Want to get to know your partner better? Sign a prenup. Make clauses for all the possible scenarios. You will find out everything you need to know about how he plans your future together.