At the weekend I met up with my friend Niki, for a meal. She was in need of a breather from the stress of her divorce. I arrived a little earlier, so I killed time by browsing the menu.

Looking up I saw Niki walking in wearily. She hugged me and with a half-smile then slumped herself down.

“Why did he leave me, Despina?! Is it my looks? Humor? My weight? My….? She said tearing up.

Supportively I tried to comfort her by agreeing that he was foul in the way he treated her, and how some people can throw away years of invested love without caring about the consequences.

“After all the care I have given him, meals I’ve cooked, cleaning, and you know what a decent wife I have been. He has never gone without.”

I discerned that there was no way I could reason with her, since years back I was in her shoes, and felt the same when going through my messy divorce. The intense jarring of anger hurt, and betrayal had been continuously prodding around in my head. Moreover, I felt I was justified as my partner had cheated.

Yet, as an observer, I witnessed Niki had locked these emotions so firmly into her psyche, that she had created a jail and put herself in. The more she thought about the deceit the more confined she felt. And to intensify the hurt, she had unconsciously given her husband the key. From my experience, getting her out of her “jail”, needed a powerful force.

She went on to say, “Last weekend I saw him and his mistress. They looked so snug together.” She shook her body intensely as if it was happening at that moment. I could see she was crushed, and she was strategizing a story of getting revenge.

Before I could continue with my conversation her daughter Sophia, who was to join us, walked into the restaurant with her grandchild Nancy.

“Granny!” Nancy said, “Gran, look what I drew for you at daycare.” Nancy gave her a colorful picture of Niki and her grandchild holding hands. Niki’s body instantly relaxed. She took the child in her arms kissing her playfully.

It was clear that her reaction to the child, was so strong that the fury from her husband dissipated and metamorphized into feelings of love. She could react with massive waves of anger and then switch to massive waves of love within minutes.

I recalled a book by “Phil Stutz and Barry Michel, Attempt to Transform Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity.” It mentioned how we can’t magically get ourselves out of our jail in our head. We need a universal cosmic force to do this. Like for Niki her cosmic force was seeing her grandchild.

Also, the book mentioned a maze, and when we feel so enraged with circumstances, we put ourselves in a maze and the more the rage the more difficult it is to get out of. Still, with proper training, you can detach yourself from it.

The idea is to focus on generating love for the one who has hurt you. Even though it feels unnatural, you can liberate yourself. You are calling on a stronger cosmic force to give you back the key from the wrongdoer. Then you release yourself from jail or the maze, if you will. We have the power to alter our fury and open our hearts to let in love by using a simple tool.

I spoke to Niki and Sophia about how the child transformed Niki’s mood. She was able to release her anger and receive love. Niki opened up about her inner suffering and how she wanted her freedom back. It was then, when I thought right to do an exercise to help Niki get out of this suffering. The exercise is as follows.

Begin by seeing yourself paddling upstream and holding onto the pain. A higher force, I call it God sees you and propels you to paddle into his healing light. Even though the wrongdoer has hurt you and it takes a lot of effort to accept their cruelty, you choose now to connect to this bountiful peaceful light. At this point you allow the pain to be released into the immense loving light where it is transmuted into love.

Now the abundance of love opens your heart to receive all the light and love which cleanses and fills your body. Drawing upon so much love and focus all your attention on the wrongdoer. During this process, healing begins by you giving the wrongdoer your love. You are now transmitting all the healing love from your heart which penetrates through the wrongdoer’s body and filling them with love.

Lastly, the love now starts returning back to you in a synchronized abundant flow. All the immeasurable love enters back into your heart until it infiltrates through you and fills your body. The maze and jail are washed away and you are free!

For Niki she removed her husband’s face from the vision as this was too painful to envision his face. It is up to you what variation you choose. I used a variation from the aforementioned book. After doing this exercise with Niki, she felt better and realized that she could not only set herself free, but also react assertively to disagreements because she was reacting from love.

Through changing her perception instead of reacting aggressively, she was a lot more confident with her needs. They were articulated in a non-violent manner. Instead of acting emotionally she worked from facts, feelings, and needs.

Who wants to be in a maze and have a scoundrel hold the key? Certainly not Niki. She chooses to forgive. As Buddha quotes “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” She had so much to live for and took responsibility to make her life worth living.

A year passed after our meal and she made sure she used love to regulate her life. She managed to settle the divorce amicably and it did not feel so painful thereafter. She spent a lot of enjoyable time with her grandchild. Astoundingly, she had become so bountiful in love that her ex-husband wanted her back. What do you think about this? Do you think she should give this person a second chance?