I scream: “MichaelDouglas&CatherineZetaJones-Khole&Lamar-Clint&DinaEastwood-NigellaLawson&CharlesSaatchi TamzinOuthwaite&TomEllis, wtf!”

What is going on? Everyday a there is a new celebrity break-up. It is almost too much to bear. I jest, but it makes me ponder some things.

You know how the elderly say that being a certain age is painful. They are not talking just about droopy breasts, adult diapers, senility, comfortable shoes and impotence. The main reason is that they have to witness so many of their friends and relatives die.

Ok, so I don’t have to worry about that yet. However, in my late 30’s I am seeing long-term relationships, most formed when they were in their early 20’s, die and fall apart all around me. This leads me to ponder whether, as those in advanced years deal with their loved ones mortality, perhaps now in the 2010’s being witness to love and commitment breaking down is a part of crossing the threshold of 30.

These friends (some very famous some not) all told their partners “I love you”. They said it with conviction. They had children. They designed a life for themselves and a future. What falls away?

Relationships are something one treats as emotional investments, continuously contributing to and nurturing till maturity. As the financial world has collapsed, with people’s life-savings wiped-out, all around me I see these relationship stocks and bonds crash, emotional life-savings wiped-out – as if there is some sort of Bernie Madoff anti-cupid attacking.

Amidst all the broken dreams, I see the recriminations, the betrayals, the half- truths and not at all honouring the love once shared.

An A-list actress friend of mine has been with her husband (not famous) for seven years. He was rather fond of heroin. She knew this from the beginning when she was partial to cocaine. She stopped the coke, he didn’t put down the needle. He is an addict and ill. She tells him to grow up like she did. She throws him out and is now perusing other more suitable men. She said I love you in sickness and health. What happened to that love, once so tangible? Her friends say “you go girl”, emancipate yourself. She takes their advice.

With you I'm not a little girl, with you I'm not a man
When all the hurt inside of me comes out, you understand
You see that I'm ferocious, you see that I am weak
You see that I am silly, and pretentious and a freak

A few years ago I had to endure the misery of a separation and the complexity of a reconciliation, with my partner Juanita, the mother of my child. She is the love of my life and although I knew we had problems, I buried my head in the sand or got drunk and screamed a lot.

Our differences are very clear. Town and country. These were once celebrated and exciting. She is Italian (Tuscan) and likes ‘real people’. I liked this and thought it was charming. I drag her down red carpets while she would prefer a smoky jazz club. She is beautiful, kind, talented, arty, has majestic breasts, likes fresh air and mountains, and is culturally pretentious. She would be pleased for our daughter to be a normal happy person.

Where as London is my true home, I like lights. I think real people are rather dull and they buy lottery tickets with dreams that they can be not so real. I can be a first-class asshole with a sprinkling of snob, she is low-key, I favour drama. I hate nature - it’s dirty and not in a sexy way. I am just plain pretentious. I want our daughter to be Natalie Portman one day, as I don’t know any normal happy people, and the concept makes me shiver. Oh, and please note my self-deprecation.

Our sexual attraction is palpable. But as we all know, this can only sustain the most shallow of unions, ie Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee and Kid Rock and Kelly Slater and Marcus Shekenberg and much more.

Anyway, I hurt my woman. Made her unhappy. She emancipated herself. I was devastated. There were recriminations, betrayals, half- truths and lots of other people’s opinions. The cultural differences began to grate, sacrifice bore resentment and communication broke-down. I have been told to grow-up. To be nice. I am taking it like a man. We have been back together a few years now. We have learnt and sacrificed. We try to honour the love we once and still do share. Because when I designed my life with Juanita and my daughter and said “I love you”, I meant it.